Monday, October 22, 2012

Curse or Blessing?

I thought I'd provide an update on my writing life for all of you fellow writers out there who may (hopefully) be interested.  I imagine you'll find similarities in our perspectives.

At this point, I find myself working tirelessly to keep a good, optimistic attitude about my "choice" of craft.  It's not an easy task to constantly fight the hag and her sister the nag who love to tell me I'm fooling myself, I don't have what it takes and I never will.  Thankfully, it seems I have an even stronger voice (I believe from God) that always manages to talk over Hag and Nag, pounding them pack into place, allowing me to continue to move forward without quitting.

Sometimes I wonder if it's even possible to quit writing.  I honestly don't think it is. Can any of us truly walk away (without a heavy spirit) from what is quite possibly a gift given to us before we ever thought to ask for it? For me, it would be akin to quitting eating, or drinking, or breathing.  It's oddly a part of me, almost like a lung.  I can survive without it, but it's not ideal.  It's not easy to explain, this overpowering desire to write and to learn as much about the craft as I can possibly absorb into my little brain.  Grammar, spelling (I mean, where would I be without spell check?!), voice and talent; these are among the things I strive passionately to strengthen and nurture.

This "calling" to write is both a blessing and a curse.

I call it a curse because no matter how frustrated or down I get about my abilities, I can't walk away. I just can't.  Something always pulls me back to writing, to working more and working harder.  I can suffer a less than glowing review of my novel, spiral into a state of depression or melancholy over it, but without fail, before I even realize what's happened, I'm right back writing again.  The perpetual "getting back on that horse". 

For good or bad, through ups and downs, here I am, a writer always in the making.  Just as being human is always a work in progress, so is becoming, or being a writer.  We do what we have to do, like it or not. It's just not a choice, is it?  Saying it's a choice to write when every fiber of you craves the craft would be like claiming you have a choice to breathe. 

Curse or blessing, I'm in it for the long haul.  And the bottom line is . . . I love it!!  And I hate it!

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